Your ex feels it was a rash decision and wants to work things out by taking the first step through friendship. It suddenly dawned upon your ex that they enjoyed various advantages while in a relationship with you.
It might be something emotional and romantic or it could be something as practical as sharing the fuel expenses or using that club membership card that you had; in any case, your ex misses the perks of being a part of your life. If you were good friends before you took things forward, chances are your ex is reaching out because they miss your company. Perhaps the relationship did not work out, or they did not want it to culminate in a marriage with no chemistry , but they still yearn for your friendship.
Perhaps they thought they would be with someone soon after the breakup. However, that did not happen, and now they are left stranded. Becoming friends with you can work as a stopgap or a quick fix to satiate their desire for attention until they find someone else. It could be hard to suddenly terminate contact with someone who has been a regular feature in your daily life.
Your ex did not realize it earlier, but now they seem to see it. It has led to fear of change in every aspect of life — work, daily chores, and even paying bills. A great way to still have you in their life without the romance is through friendship. Some individuals enjoy being the dominating one. Your ex may want to be friends with you only to experience the thrill of seeing you concede to their requests for friendship. If you both have common friends, it may seem a worthwhile proposition for your ex to remain friends to decrease the awkwardness.
This reason is most likely when you, your ex, and common friends meet often. Maybe your ex was never in love with you. Perhaps the relationship was on-sided, a fling or an infatuation, and they are over with it now. If not anything else, the reason why your ex wants to be friends with you is that they seek sex with no strings attached.
A relationship with no commitments and the freedom to look elsewhere is a convenient prospect; it provides them the best of both worlds. Especially if you were in a relationship for multiple years. The truth is, none of us ever feel good after we end a relationship. You go from spending a ton of your time with someone to not talking to them at all. Love is a huge risk and you might fail. It seems to me that by suggesting that we try to be friends, they were just trying to make the failure less real.
They want to keep the door open. They want an acquaintance, not a friend. If you want to be with that person romantically and all they want is a friendship, the dynamic between you two will always be skewed.
Meanwhile, you want to maintain the bond you thought you two had. More importantly, if he could stand to treat you like crap as your boyfriend, why does he think he deserves to be in your life as your friend?
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One surprising finding was that extroverted people were less likely to remain friends with an ex—romantic partner. But the researchers and historians I spoke with for this story generally agreed that in the history of relationships, staying friends or attempting to is a distinctly modern phenomenon, especially among mixed-gender pairs. The experts also agreed that two of the concerns that most often lead to an offer of post-breakup friendship—the worry that a social group or workplace will become hostile, and the worry that the loss of a romantic partner will also mean the loss of a potential friend—are relatively modern developments themselves, made possible by the integration of women into public society and the subsequent rise of mixed-gender friendships.
For much of the 20th century, she says, the assumption was that the things men and women did together were date, get married, and have families.
Adams says that began to change as more women joined the workforce and pursued higher education; while some 30 percent of American workers were female in , by women accounted for nearly half the workforce. And when a platonic friendship between a man and woman became a more realistic proposition in its own right, Adams says, so did a platonic friendship between a man and woman who used to date.
Read: Why men are the new college minority. Other factors, like the advent of the birth-control pill and the federal protection of abortion rights in the late 20th century, made it less likely that any given sexual partner would accidentally end up a parenting partner, Adams noted—which relaxed the rules of romantic relationships considerably.
That freedom helped normalize the idea that a person could have multiple lovers or companions over the course of a lifetime, and made necessary some system of protocols for what might happen if two former romantic partners remained within the same social group after breaking things off.
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