In each stage, your body chemistry behaves differently. It turns out that "chemistry" is, at least in part, actual chemistry. Biochemistry, specifically. In the lust and attraction phases, your body is directing the show, as people can feel desire without knowing anything personal about the object of that desire. Lust, Fisher asserts in a seminal paper [ PDF ], is nothing more than the existence of a sex drive, or "the craving for sexual gratification," she writes.
It's a sensation driven by estrogens and androgens, the female and male sex hormones, based in the biological drive to reproduce. Attraction may be influenced less than lust by physiological factors—the appeal of someone's features, or the way they make you laugh—but your body is still calling the shots at this stage, pumping you full of the hormones cortisol, adrenaline, and dopamine, effecting your brain in a way that's not unlike the way illicit substances do.
Fisher has collaborated multiple times on the science of attraction with social psychologist Arthur Aron , a research professor at Stony Brook University in New York. Aron and his wife Elaine , who is also a psychologist, are known for studying what makes relationships begin—and last. In a study in Frontiers in Psychology , the researchers proposed that "romantic love is a natural and often positive addiction that evolved from mammalian antecedents by 4 million years ago as a survival mechanism to encourage hominin pair-bonding and reproduction, seen cross-culturally today.
In the attraction phase, your body produces increased amounts of dopamine, the feel-good chemical that is also responsible for pain relief.
Using fMRI brain imaging, Aron's studies have shown that "if you're thinking about a person you're intensely in love with, your brain activates the dopamine reward system, which is the same system that responds to cocaine," he tells Mental Floss.
Earlier, Fisher's paper found that new couples often show "increased energy, less need for sleep or food, focused attention and exquisite delight in smallest details of this novel relationship. The attachment phase is characterized by increases in oxytocin and vasopressin; these hormones are thought to promote bonding and positive social behaviors to sustain connections over time in order to fulfill parental duties.
There is no hard and fast timeline for how long each phase lasts, as it can vary widely due to gender, age, and other environmental factors, Fisher writes. Additionally, while oxytocin has long gotten the credit for being the love hormone, Prause says that scientists are now "kind of over oxytocin," because it has broader functions than simply bonding.
It also plays a role in the contraction of the uterus to stimulate birth, instigating lactation, and sexual arousal; low levels have been linked to autism spectrum disorders. Having someone on board who encourages you to pursue your goals in life is one of the loftiest aspects we can hope to find in any relationship. Not many red flags here, at least initially. Having a life purpose that your partner supports can feed a lasting love. Just make sure you stay focused and keep your purpose alive with your own energy as well.
People who have been in stagnant relationships where they felt stuck may attract this type of chemistry. It's a relief to find someone who acknowledges their own shortcomings and is willing to work on ways of healing and growing. These couples usually get to work right away, providing feedback and insights intended to help their partners grow.
Sharing self-help books, online resources, and even therapists, they can make great leaps together toward creating more fulfilling lives. The main caveat here is to make sure your connection has more aspects to it than just personal growth.
All work—which is what growth often feels like—with no play can make for an exhausting relationship. Go through you "stuff" as it comes up, but also make time for more lighthearted ways of connecting. This type of relationship chemistry happens so often we have a phrase for it—it's called "courting the muse.
Artists thrive on it, along with entrepreneurs and others who like to "dream big. If it endures over time, the productivity and joy it can create are unlimited. Think Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera. But this chemistry can also fizzle out or point to a connection other than romance, such as a collaborative partnership or friendship. Only time will tell here.
As with many types of relationship chemistry, it's best to enjoy the connection without making assumptions about the nature of it too soon. Let it play out and try to remain conscious and curious as it does. Some people believe in karmic relationships , different types of soulmates , and past lives. A past-life agreement, sometimes called a soul contract , involves two parties who believe they made an agreement in a past life to meet up in this one.
Their goal is to resolve issues from their past life together in order to clear a karmic debt. While this may sound far-fetched, the concept of a relationship being fated is actually quite a familiar theme in literature, and many of us have had similar feelings IRL. Beware of feeling compelled to remain in relationships that turn out to be unhealthy.
So-called past-life relationships can feel almost compulsory, so much so that we are afraid to leave. The potential for physical or emotional abuse can be enormous under these circumstances. Remember that you are always allowed to walk away no matter who you're with. Or think of it this way: If you believe in karmic connections, also believe in the fact that the universe would never want you to stay in a relationship that is hurting you.
Leave when it's time. No discussion of chemistry would be complete without this type—the most compelling but also potentially the most troublesome. When two people discover a lusty connection, it can feel irresistible.
That's where the problem lies. Early on, the literal chemistry—hormones released in our bodies—set off "in love" fantasies that have little basis in reality. Later, sexual chemistry keeps some couples involved long after they need to split. Yet, sexual chemistry also plays a vital role in sustaining healthy relationships.
Happy couples sometimes refer to it as the "glue" that keeps them together. As for the saying If you love someone set them free and if they return back to you they were yours and if they do not return back to you they never were is pathetic and ridiculous as it can get. God can turn absolutely anything. If you truly love someone then just love them and let others go find another man. Eliminating these three every day can help you drop twenty pounds more weight really short time.
Would it mean gaining or reducing your weight and then being more active, physically or socially. If you are serious on shedding pounds and wish to achieve good health, you have to do several adjustments in your lifestyle. Name required. Mail will not be published required. Happily hosted with:. The Difference Between Attraction and Chemistry Posted by Khiem in: Articles Once in a while, I get a very good question on my blog… and today is one of these days where I feel compelled to share my answer with all of you.
One guy emailed me this: Hi Khiem, I am trying to figure out the difference between chemistry and attraction. Ryan Well, Ryan, you ask a very good question and interestingly, you seem to already know the answer but let me explain it further for you.
Rate This:. If you want something more customized on how to meet women powerfully anytime, anywhere, shoot me an email and ask for my coaching options! Got a question? Have a story to share? Want to send me a shout out? If you like what you read, send me some love so I can buy girls a drink ;p.
0コメント